ooking Stars in the Splinter of Phalaxium: An Awkward Interview with Chef Q’rantul Veyl
Amid Phalaxium’s fragmented chaos, chef Q’rantul Veyl went for the impossible: star-rated cooking amid bureaucratic friction and entangled realities. Can a culinary genius survive in a place where identity evaporates before the entrée arrives? An interview that makes the foam on the quantum soufflé tremble.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 What brought you here as a chef, to Phalaxium instead of, well, a simpler junction?
Q’rantul Veyl Uh, well, simplicity never stood a chance here. You see, in Phalaxium even the acidity and gravity don't agree. So... for a star chef? This is true uncharted territory.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 You started on the Fire Planet Hestia Minor, right? How different is the cooking here?
Q’rantul Veyl Haha, well, on Hestia minor everything cooked itself. Here I have to adjust the temperature by zone and by minute. My assistant shrimp nearly burned out. One lost a claw in Bubble 17.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 Do you have any local clientele? Or mainly political delegations?
Q’rantul Veyl Mostly envoy fare, yes. They only eat if they've been properly double-reflected by the Treaty of Unspoken Realities. Locals sometimes grab a canned soup on credit.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 Your specialty, the Quantum Soufflé, is notorious for its instability. How many exploded last standard week?
Q’rantul Veyl Four, officially. Unofficially... six. The soufflé reacts badly to unexpected debates from Quarter II. Sometimes it blasts apart if someone whispers 'amendment.'
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 What's it like, cooking under so many protocol eyes?
Q’rantul Veyl It makes you paranoid. Every district wants a different safety certification. I once had to legalize my spoon before I could serve anything...
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 And what do you make of the twenty-eight identity registers guests are required to check into?
Q’rantul Veyl Oh, it drives you insane. Last week a holo-cloud tried to book a table. By the time the forms were finished it had already evaporated.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 Complaints, threats? You look a bit tense.
Q’rantul Veyl *visible hesitation* Umm... Yeah, there was the Polymorph Lawyer carpaccio incident. Apparently you can't serve them before vote number 304.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 Have you ever considered leaving Phalaxium?
Q’rantul Veyl Several times, especially on Tuesdays around morning debate. But then they threatened to confiscate my mashed-ferm recipe, so... I’m still here.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 What's the strangest ingredient you've found here?
Q’rantul Veyl Last year a bag of interdimensional chicken skin popped up in Floor Sigma. It took weeks to get it to taste right.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 Sorry, is that an alarm?
Q’rantul Veyl Oh... uh, yes, sorry. *glances over shoulder* My cold-antimatter sauce just spilled. Let me just-
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 We... eh... can wait.
Q’rantul Veyl Okay, where were we? Oh, right. Honestly, it's impossible to keep your identity here unless you take a solid bite of self-mockery now and then.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 Are you happy?
Q’rantul Veyl Um, I don't know. Sometimes. Not usually during rush hour in Bubble 9.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 Ever regret being a star chef in this mirror city?
Q’rantul Veyl Regret is daily business here. Still, the craft is lovely-when anyone can decipher the bill.
INTERVIEWER-UNIT PRX-QV7 Finally... would you recommend an existential soup to our readers?
Q’rantul Veyl Only if they bring their own spoon. And an officially approved identity fragment.