nterview with the Hypercrab: A Painful Clash of Cultures on Stardate 4422.258
Zarnx, a hypercrab from the rings of Nura, is the only non-human working at a very human-oriented fry station on Diaspora-7. In this uncomfortable interview, his spiky armor collides with prejudice, fried misunderstandings, and an interviewer struggling to keep things neutral.
Xir Voxith (interviewer) So, uh, Zarnx... You're described as the first hypercrab legally employed at an intergalactic fryhouse. How does that feel, exactly?
Zarnx (interviewee) Well, honestly? It's... difficult. My claws are made for cracking neutron-shells, not frying potatoes.
Xir Voxith But why a fryhouse? Surely there are endless other jobs?
Zarnx I thought so, too. But, uh, humans don't like my scent during holographic consultations... and on fishing ships, they mistake me for the catch.
Xir Voxith *looks up* Ever considered, I don't know... mining or something?
Zarnx Try going underground with eight legs and an antimatter carapace. I get stuck in those shafts every single time.
Xir Voxith Right, point taken. So, this fryhouse, your colleagues-how do they treat you?
Zarnx *sighs* They wear gloves with insulation, and just yesterday someone yelled, "Who dumped plasma in the fat again?" Uh, that wasn't my fault.
Xir Voxith There's a rumor you accidentally brought the fryer to orbital temperature. Is that true?
Zarnx Absolutely not! Well... maybe partly. The controls were in Centaurian instead of standard.
Xir Voxith Yeah, but it still smelled like charred protein for days.
Zarnx You've never had to cough up plasma after a shift.
Xir Voxith *interrupting* Wait, you cough up plasma? Let's move on. Do you feel accepted by the interspecies community?
Zarnx They say I am. But if I raise my claws by the coffee machine, everyone suddenly 'needs something.'
Xir Voxith There's a hint of frustration. Did you expect it would be easier?
Zarnx Well, they said 'Multicultural workforce,' but as soon as I showed up, they wanted my permits and asked if I was 'contagious.'
Xir Voxith How do you respond?
Zarnx I just say, "Only to nonsense and bad music." That rarely calms anyone.
Xir Voxith *awkward laugh* And your manager, what do they think?
Zarnx Only talks to me via intercom. When I want my payslip, he prints it into a sealed quarantine box.
Xir Voxith Ever think about trying another planet?
Zarnx Sometimes, yes. But Diaspora-8 bans hypercrabs 'due to incidents'-I'm not allowed to elaborate.
Xir Voxith *silence* Then, what do you actually want to achieve?
Zarnx Just one shift where nobody FLARES out of the building when I move a claw.
Xir Voxith Hmm... That sounds ambitious. Thanks, I suppose, for your candor.
Zarnx No problem. As long as I don't have to mop up peanut oil with my left claw again, anything's up for discussion.