The Cosmic Chronicle

Qarv (interview droid Mk-IV, wearing umbrella harness) Good afternoon. For readers who've never heard of a quantum therapist: what is it that you actually do?
Therapist Ciliath A9-Helix Good afternoon, um, well-in short: I work with fluctuating states of consciousness, destabilize dysfunctional bio-patterns and, if you like, combine that with a subtle reordering of the probability fields around the client.
Qarv So you manipulate probabilities in someone’s head... Or am I getting this wrong?
Ciliath A9-Helix Not really. Imagine it like reshuffling the light falling on the ocean-not moving the water itself. I suggest possible outcomes and guide someone to the most harmonious path. Well, sometimes.
Qarv How did you get into this profession, if I may ask?
Ciliath A9-Helix Originally, I was a market analyst at the relics bourse. Then, after an incident with a quantum-infected stallholder and some spontaneous existential splits, I discovered I was more suited to living interpretation than to commodities.
Qarv Your practice is on Kiezelspoor, quite near the Operapod. Is there much competition in Zypharaal?
Ciliath A9-Helix Oh, loads! You trip over unregistered neuro-alchemists, spiritual shale-gas clouds, and of course the reformed probability priests from the west quarter. But no one else offers my ‘double-corrected probability protocols’, so I survive.
Qarv What sort of clients do you see? Mostly humans, aliens, maybe a cloud or two?
Ciliath A9-Helix Oh, anyone stuck in probability loops: diplomats with quantum diplomatic complaints, stalling music blocks, sentimental seaweed-just last week an energy being with existential interference.
Qarv Any difference between human and non-human clients? I mean, in terms of accessibility?
Ciliath A9-Helix Good question. Humans try to understand what I do, aliens mostly take it as it comes. Gas-based beings are tricky to keep on the couch. But everyone, well, wants to feel something different.
Qarv Have you ever had a total failure?
Ciliath A9-Helix *hesitates* Oh, absolutely. Stardate 4421.687-a client spontaneously de-existed from a parallel universe after I got a bit too enthusiastic with the fields. Quickly repaired, nobody here really noticed.
Qarv Hmm. Is there scientific support for your work or is it mostly practical experience?
Ciliath A9-Helix Science and practice flow smoothly into each other here. I always say: 'The observer effect makes everything subjective-except my fees.'
Qarv Are clients willing to recommend you to family or friends?
Ciliath A9-Helix The first batch, no; the latest, yes. Some see the impact much later, usually once their shoes start leaving probability trails. But word of mouth is stronger than cause and effect in Zypharaal.
Qarv How would you quantify your own success rates?
Ciliath A9-Helix Statistically? 63.2 percent effective, provided you calculate in a local reference frame. Usually feels higher-until the Operapod does another dissonant concert.
Qarv And if there are complaints?
Ciliath A9-Helix Then we offer refunds in unused probability, or a repeat session with doubled uncertainty. Bureaucratically watertight, of course.
Qarv Have you ever undergone therapy yourself?
Ciliath A9-Helix Naturally, several iterations. I’d never have survived my previous nine existential splits otherwise.
Qarv Lastly, is there a quantum exercise readers could try at home?
Ciliath A9-Helix *soft chuckle* Close each eye separately while standing on one leg, think of the word ‘soundless’, and count the flashes in your periphery. If you succeed: congratulations, your wave function is stabilized.
Qarv I think I’ll try that myself-as soon as my servomotors are calibrated! Thank you for your time beneath these... beautiful... pearl lanterns.
Ciliath A9-Helix My pleasure. If you ever find yourself observed in two places at once, you’ll know where to find me.