nterview with a Slimy Specialist: The Lava-Algae Incident on Torrocet IV Escalates to Fiasco
On stardate 4422.257 we report from the infamous Lava-Algae Incident on Torrocet IV. Our reporter Qrrg-7, known for his chilly pseudo-diplomacy and slippery physique, interviews Maart Veldemans, the widely blamed caretaker of HydroColony F14. The conversation quickly devolves into a surreal duel of irritation, weak excuses, and mutual accusations. Discover how a swamp explosion became the nadir of intergalactic personnel policy.
Qrrg-7 So you seriously claim the explosion in the algae ponds wasn't your fault?
Maart Veldemans No, hold on, I said that... Uh, the circumstances were extraordinary. Maybe I can explain what a lava-algae does first?
Qrrg-7 I’d rather not, our readers already know. What exactly went wrong with the calibration of the heat filters?
Maart Veldemans Look, if you expect 42 degrees but it suddenly jumps to 267, who could have seen that coming? The control system malfunctioned and the TechnoBot was under maintenance. Not my problem, right?
Qrrg-7 You were at the control console at the time?
Maart Veldemans Yes, but everything started beeping at once! Honestly, I see this as a collective, interdisciplinary failure...
Qrrg-7 In other words: you weren’t paying attention. What were you doing, really?
Maart Veldemans Uh... My lunch dropped into the reactor. It had curry. Strong smell, you know. I was distracted for a second.
Qrrg-7 Unprofessional, you say?
Maart Veldemans What?! No, I mean, look... Everyone needs a break, surrounded by those murky swamp fumes!
Qrrg-7 According to the log, the explosion occurred exactly during your lunch break. Coincidence?
Maart Veldemans Seriously, Qrrg, that log was automated by a sneaky PhotonSquid. That thing hates me.
Qrrg-7 You gave the PhotonSquid a negative performance review last week, isn’t that right?
Maart Veldemans So what?! It was always pushing the wrong buttons.
Qrrg-7 Local residents say glowing lava drops floated through their streets. What do you say to them?
Maart Veldemans Uh... yeah, that was unfortunate. But at least most homes now have free underfloor heating.
Qrrg-7 Do you realize how absurd that sounds?
Maart Veldemans Sorry, but I’m just exhausted here, as if everything that goes wrong is suddenly my fault!
Qrrg-7 Do you have any idea what kind of bureaucratic nightmare you’ve caused?
Maart Veldemans Yes, I realized when thirteen inspectors from the Intercolonial Heat Point Commission knocked on my door at seventeen thirty. And they all reeked of wet algae.
Qrrg-7 So, no remorse?
Maart Veldemans Well, maybe a little. But the lava-algae are growing better than ever now!