ransmuted Gold and Simmering Grievances: An Interview with a Matter Transmutator at Axia Grand Nexus
How does one perform matter transmutation without accidentally losing an arm to a botanical experiment? At Axia Grand Nexus, where nothing is ever straightforward, we speak with Transmutator Plixh-5Z. An interview full of frustration, sarcasm, and the eternal struggle with bureaucratic erosion.
Glint Xiv (interviewer) Wait, you... uh, how many elements are you actually made of right now?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z At the moment? Three hundred and eighty-one. But don't ask me tomorrow. It fluctuates faster than the lines here.
Glint Xiv So your work-explain, matter transmutation, is that just changing everything you touch?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z 'Just' is an insult here. The process requires precisely timed atomic shuffling, harmonic vibration patterns, and patiently enduring the staff of Congestion Control Bureau meddling in every step. Oh, and a good mood.
Glint Xiv Haha, yeah, that sounds horrible. But why Axia Grand Nexus? Of all places?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z Because only here can my paperwork go missing so often that no one, including myself, ever really knows if I've actually done any work. Yeah.
Glint Xiv And can you just turn a rock into gold here on platform ring three-twelve-three? Is that allowed?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z Allowed? No. Can I? Sometimes. Is it needed? Rarely. Has there ever been gilded street furniture as evidence? Absolutely not officially banned, and I'm saying that hypothetically.
Glint Xiv You sound... never mind... Where does your irritation come from? Problems with the local flora?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z Problems?! Those so-called 'Green Lung Chambers' leak spores that destabilize my core composition in just two cycles. My left arm was almost completely converted into opaline pitcher weeds yesterday. Thank you, Axia.
Glint Xiv Eh, sorry, can't do much about that. Let's just-how do you even become a matter transmutator?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z Classical training in atomic symphonology, combine that with years interning at a subplanetary refinery, survive three intimidation audits and receive your license after forty-two disappointed tutors. Simple, right?
Glint Xiv Your sarcasm is almost more tangible than your hands. Do you collaborate with other transmutators, or are you a soloist?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z You mean: do I take part in the annual incident in the Lost Compartments? No. After that zinc-cloud episode they don't want me anymore.
Glint Xiv Do you get requests you have to say “no” to?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z 'Sometimes'... hahaha. Every day requests come through the holographic timetable-from uranium to marshmallows. Last one was someone wanting to cement their mother-in-law permanently. Subtle, right?
Glint Xiv That's unbelievable. So... how much of a hassle is the bureaucracy at Axia really?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z How much hassle? See this stamp? It means I can only transmute between 13:00 and 13:07 (Nexus time), and only under supervision from a gaseous auditor. Sometimes the auditor hides in the ventilation duct. Or maybe it's just the fog.
Glint Xiv And you don't have... uh... plans to go elsewhere?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z Plans? Certainly. Execution? Impossible. Try getting an Exit Passport out of the Waiting-Time-Vortex, friend.
Glint Xiv Final question, then-Uh. Has this job made you happier?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z Happiness is overrated. Stability? Even more so. But without me, this whole Nexus would now be riddled with uncontrolled antimatter pools. So maybe... no, wait, my contract says nothing about that.
Glint Xiv Uh... my hologram recorder is vibrating. Is that normal?
Transmutator Plixh-5Z Nothing is normal. Especially not at Axia Grand Nexus. Now please keep your distance. I feel a transmutation surge coming on.