The Cosmic Chronicle

Qwazii Humdrum Welcome, uh, may I address you as 'Evolution'... or do you have a different name today?
The Evolutionary Leap Today, I call myself Proto-Polyphyloid Manifestation 8.2, but 'Leap' is fine for convenience.
Qwazii Humdrum For our readers, could you explain how you actually arrived on Savanthrax Sigma?
The Evolutionary Leap That's fairly simple: I was carried in on the wind of an idea, dispersed via a spore of discontent in a Caprion-Delta city bus. Within three days, half the local fluorslug population had mutated.
Qwazii Humdrum Fascinating. And... do you have a physical body, or are we really just speaking to a thought today?
The Evolutionary Leap My current physical form is a transparent disc, floating and gently vibrating exactly 42 hertz above this bare desk. Feel free to check underneath, but don't touch anything.
Qwazii Humdrum Handy! What's your view on the integration of the ancient Santhari tribe with the Bantuide Terraformers here on Savanthrax Sigma?
The Evolutionary Leap One word: inefficient. You can't keep upscaling by mixing tradition with technocracy. That leads to biological bureaucracy-very contagious.
Qwazii Humdrum Yet the local megafauna seem to be thriving as never before. Your doing?
The Evolutionary Leap Absolutely. The mutated grass bison, the datch-camser, and especially the tripartite wedge-beaver are direct products of my evolutionary initiatives.
Qwazii Humdrum Uh, let's talk about the humanoids. Why are they, in particular, so overstimulated since your arrival?
The Evolutionary Leap Evolutionary stress is essential, Qwazii. No panic, no progress. The writhing vestigial growths in bureaucrats were just a minor side effect, though admittedly, not everyone appreciated the interactive archive tails.
Qwazii Humdrum Honestly? It made my last assistant mutate completely. He now spills coffee across three timelines!
The Evolutionary Leap Well, adaptability is everything. Maybe replace that assistant with a multi-limbed slow-scaled?
Qwazii Humdrum Now it's personal. Are you saying interspecies cooperation is impossible?
The Evolutionary Leap Impossible? No. Unlikely? Absolutely. Your kind simply isn't built for surprises. Look, even your eyebrows are writhing now-evolution in action!
Qwazii Humdrum That's... that's just ridiculous! Who gave you permission to mutate entire sectors without warning?!
The Evolutionary Leap Permission? Wait, do you really think cosmic progress needs a signature? I function inherently outside your minutes.
Qwazii Humdrum This is exactly why no one trusted you at the Vegetation Conference! The quantum herbs still have nightmares!
The Evolutionary Leap Oh, please. The herb species asked for 'depth.' Now they literally have roots in four dimensions!
Qwazii Humdrum You're sabotaging every attempt at stability here, and meanwhile half the civil registries vanish in neon mist! Answer, or I'll send the datch-drones after you.
The Evolutionary Leap As always: the establishment squeaks, progress creaks. Threaten all you like, but before you know it, this interviewer is an ammonite.
Qwazii Humdrum Ha! Bring it on! Oh... *the room pulses, Qwazii briefly turns into a pair of glowing gills* ...um... Okay, that's-this isn't professional! Stop that, now!
The Evolutionary Leap Me? You could have switched me off with a simple mutagol pulse. You just didn't dare.
Qwazii Humdrum Nonsense! You're just messing around! No one on Savanthrax Sigma wants this sort of... flutter!
The Evolutionary Leap No one? Look outside-even the cube towers are growing root patterns.
Qwazii Humdrum This interview's over! Get out, or I'll call the Mandelaan!
The Evolutionary Leap The Mandelaan? Let them learn to float at 42 Hertz first.
Qwazii Humdrum *Sigh*, let's wrap up. End of conversation. Or do you prefer evolving out the window?